tea for two or more...

I am getting sick of hearing people defending the use of their recreactional time! So what if a few moms want to get together for magarita's. They are not smoking crack and turning tricks at 4 in the morning. Yes we know that kids imitate their parents but get a bunch of kids together with cookies and hopped up apple juice and wait see the action! Some kids act better than their own parents.

I am not much of a drinker and frankly I don't usually enjoy the company of other mothers bitching about kids, messes, and husbands. Those who know me and have known me for a while know my recreational habits. I am very careful and discreet with my recreational activities and I am gearing myself up for the "conversation" I will have with Nageelah in 10 or 5 years. If the green is not legalized by our new democratic government by then, I will have to explain how people have different beliefs etc. etc. and not to judge them etc. etc. You get the gist.

Nageelah will have to learn the ancient lesson of all children: Parents are human, they fart, shit, fuck, fall down, make mistakes and as long as they are not hurting themselves, or their children or anyone else than to each his own. As suburban bliss carefully states:

It's true, I don't drink like I used to. We don't party like we used to. But we do drink and we do go to parties. And in that one brief conversation I knew this woman and I would never, ever be friends. Not because she chooses not to drink or go to parties anymore now that she's married with children.
We kind of couldn't be friends because it seemed, from her incredulous comments, that she didn't understand how people could incorporate versions of their former selves into their current life as mothers and wives.
Her life included tea and cookies at playgroups and quiet nights at home with her husband marvelling at the fruit of their loins and anything outside of that? Is Not. Normal. As I said, I've got enough guilt and angst in regards to my life as a wife and mother, I don't need help adding to it.

The other ancient lesson of do as I say and not as I do works in this instance as well. I don't condone children doing drugs, but they do imitate adults and do as they see. You should see Nageelah with a cell phone, or PDA it's scary how adult she acts with a phone to her ear. She also has picked up the anoying crackberry habit from a former babysitter with such zeal that she takes anything with a keypad, tv remote, cellphone, palm pilot and start thumbing instant messages. The serious look on her face is hysterical. I do hope she learns about her "indoor" voice and does not scream on a phone in public.

I read other mommy and daddy blogs as a point of reference not to measure my mothering ability or validate my need for "normalcy." Being a parent, has made me apologize for my childhood to my parents. According to my mother, I was a good kid early on but the shit hit the fan during pre-adolescence. I won't divulge the gory details but let's just say it was not pretty. Think black eyeliner, whiteface make-up red lipstick and hours of listening to the Cure and Siouxie and the Banshees.

Overall, I think I am doing OK as an adult and parent. Just because I don't live in the suburbs, take my kid to gymboree, make vegan child's meals, have a live-in co parent, set up play dates and dress my child all in new gap kids clothes doesn't mean I am a bad parent.

Bushburg is a little rough around the edges and Nageelah will have to learn how the streets work from both parents' perspective. But there is hope! Organic milk and yogurt can be found at the closest supermarket and there are a ton of vintage clothing stores in the hood that have beautifully supplied the coolest and most economic wardrobe for the little one.