MY HERO

Although he is "Boston ugly" I find him very funny and right on.

tired of this mentality

I find this quote on cnn.com offensive. I am not defending the guy as he was found guilty today but still this type of thinking is what will doom my relationship with Z. We struggle every day with our social differences but for the past five years I have fought for this relationship and refuse to let go just for obvious reasons such as social class or education. I think our differnces complement each other but then again maybe I am just crazy and delusional!

George said police only decided Worthington was raped because they could not believe that McCowen -- a black, uneducated garbage man -- could have had consensual sex with Worthington -- a white, sophisticated woman who worked for years as a fashion writer in New York and Paris.

Are the Truro police that stupid? Why couldn't a white professional woman, educated with money have sex with an uneducated trash collector. Again, I am not defending this man, he likely did kill or was involved in the killing of the fashion writer Christa Worthington. Even more disgusting is leaving her 2 year-old daughter alone with the body as she was still trying to breast-feed from her deceased mother.

This is a sad tragic story and says a lot about being a single mother in this world.

On a happier note here is the latest Nageelah.

tea for two or more...

I am getting sick of hearing people defending the use of their recreactional time! So what if a few moms want to get together for magarita's. They are not smoking crack and turning tricks at 4 in the morning. Yes we know that kids imitate their parents but get a bunch of kids together with cookies and hopped up apple juice and wait see the action! Some kids act better than their own parents.

I am not much of a drinker and frankly I don't usually enjoy the company of other mothers bitching about kids, messes, and husbands. Those who know me and have known me for a while know my recreational habits. I am very careful and discreet with my recreational activities and I am gearing myself up for the "conversation" I will have with Nageelah in 10 or 5 years. If the green is not legalized by our new democratic government by then, I will have to explain how people have different beliefs etc. etc. and not to judge them etc. etc. You get the gist.

Nageelah will have to learn the ancient lesson of all children: Parents are human, they fart, shit, fuck, fall down, make mistakes and as long as they are not hurting themselves, or their children or anyone else than to each his own. As suburban bliss carefully states:

It's true, I don't drink like I used to. We don't party like we used to. But we do drink and we do go to parties. And in that one brief conversation I knew this woman and I would never, ever be friends. Not because she chooses not to drink or go to parties anymore now that she's married with children.
We kind of couldn't be friends because it seemed, from her incredulous comments, that she didn't understand how people could incorporate versions of their former selves into their current life as mothers and wives.
Her life included tea and cookies at playgroups and quiet nights at home with her husband marvelling at the fruit of their loins and anything outside of that? Is Not. Normal. As I said, I've got enough guilt and angst in regards to my life as a wife and mother, I don't need help adding to it.

The other ancient lesson of do as I say and not as I do works in this instance as well. I don't condone children doing drugs, but they do imitate adults and do as they see. You should see Nageelah with a cell phone, or PDA it's scary how adult she acts with a phone to her ear. She also has picked up the anoying crackberry habit from a former babysitter with such zeal that she takes anything with a keypad, tv remote, cellphone, palm pilot and start thumbing instant messages. The serious look on her face is hysterical. I do hope she learns about her "indoor" voice and does not scream on a phone in public.

I read other mommy and daddy blogs as a point of reference not to measure my mothering ability or validate my need for "normalcy." Being a parent, has made me apologize for my childhood to my parents. According to my mother, I was a good kid early on but the shit hit the fan during pre-adolescence. I won't divulge the gory details but let's just say it was not pretty. Think black eyeliner, whiteface make-up red lipstick and hours of listening to the Cure and Siouxie and the Banshees.

Overall, I think I am doing OK as an adult and parent. Just because I don't live in the suburbs, take my kid to gymboree, make vegan child's meals, have a live-in co parent, set up play dates and dress my child all in new gap kids clothes doesn't mean I am a bad parent.

Bushburg is a little rough around the edges and Nageelah will have to learn how the streets work from both parents' perspective. But there is hope! Organic milk and yogurt can be found at the closest supermarket and there are a ton of vintage clothing stores in the hood that have beautifully supplied the coolest and most economic wardrobe for the little one.

George's Bush

Before I start ranting I have to give a shout out to this site. You are right Metrodad this is hysterical. Now I know what I should be called if I am ever locked up.

I's been tinkin tons since my last post. Guts lots to say but no time to say it!

I don't have time to stop and criticize Kirstie Alley's thighs or to bash SAHMs I say to each his own. Do whatever works for you. I don't have a choice. I have to work in order to pay my bills and keep my sanity. Sometimes at work I think its easier for me to get Nageelah to eat then for coworkers to respect deadlines. What do I do for a living? Well that is a complicated question.

Since the beginning of time or since the Internet became the world wide web I found myself enjoying the process of building things for people to look at online. Back in the day during the Web 1.0 days we sort of made things up as we went along but now that we are here in 2.0 land a few things have been established like: you can't just throw anything up on your site and hope it sticks, you can't take something from print and just transfer it online, bottom line offer a good product or service and people will buy it or use it.

Now over the years I have worked at many interactive agencies and as the craziness ensues several things stay the same:

• the work day starts anytime from 9-11 am. I guess no one in NYC is a morning person but I usually am at my desk by 8:30 no later than 9 but I am usually alone left reading the NY Post.
• people expect you to stay later than 6 pm even if you come in early and have nothing to do!
• Creative Director means Crazy Dude
• Flash Developer mean forget about it don't expect it soon
• Process is everything except when we fuck up and need something done yesterday

I can't really complain, some agencies are better than others. I am pretty easygoing and get along with just about anybody but please we are all humans, treat people with respect dudes! So I am back to working at the need and whim of several recruiting agencies. I go where there is work without much complaint but don't appreciate sneaky tactics and non answers.

So now I am searching for a permanent position where I can earn a decent salary, pay my bills and live nicely in Bushburg with Nageelah. When things were really bad a couple of years ago (see earlier posts) and there was no internet work and I was hawking carrot juice and baking pumpking bread it was hard for me to imagine working again in the internet world and making over $20 an hour. But now I am being recognized as someone "with experience" and occasionally I am compensated for said experience, sometimes not...

What is my point with this post? Well, I guess I am trying to say is that I have more experience being a project manager/web producer than being a mother and girlfriend to a Porto Rican Ralph Kramden. I actually need to work to feel like I can accomplish something at least once a day.

What I am trying to convey to all you out there on the web is that I need to work professionally in order to be satisfied with at least one thing in my life. Yes, I struggle as a mom and girlfriend but the struggle is worth it. Z, with all his faults and weaknesses still is a good man compared to most, its just that he is not as developed as former boyfriends but there is alway room for improvement. I don't care if he does not find the cure for cancer, he can build a great set of shelves, start a dead car battery, cook a mean rice and beans and other x-rated things...

I am just hoping one day he realizes his pot of gold is right in front of him!